Sara's Adoption Story

I’ve told our adoption story verbally 100 times.  When then I’m asked to write it down and put it into words; all I can do is stare blankly at the computer screen.  Words that free fall off of my tongue are no longer found.  The subject suddenly seems so enormous!  It’s almost too big for paper.  How can I write out everything that is sealed in my heart?  As I stumble for the words to type I glance over at the four year old, three year old and one year old on my couch.  The four year old is sparkling full of life, bouncing around almost bubbling over with enthusiasm in everything she does.  She has a zest for life like no other.  She inspires me.  And just like that, I’m finding our story unfold into words.

That little zest for life is named Bella.  She was born on Sunday, June 3, 2007.  The birth mother and father were local.  Neighbors who knew we were interested in and going through the process of adopting referred us.  We met one afternoon at the birth mother’s family home and the next day on Super Bowl Sunday they called to say, “we pick you!”

It was surreal!  Our dreams of a baby and a family were coming true!  From that moment on, we were connected.  In fact, VERY connected.  The young parents didn’t have transportation and I soon became the shuttle.  Although at first this concerned me, it turned out to be a magical gift to get to know and care emotionally and physically for the birth parents.  Also, I got to see our baby via the MANY ultrasounds the birth mother had!  It was amazing to share that experience.

On June 3 at 11:38 PM I heard our baby’s cry for the very first time, from the other side of a hospital room door. I stood in the cold hospital hallway holding the hand of my husband and wept.  I wept for joy.  I wept for nerves.  I wept for the birth family.  I wept for dreams coming true and although I had parted ways with the thought of carrying a child in hopes of becoming a mother, I wept for not being the one delivering her.

Ten minutes later we were invited into the room to meet our baby girl.  I’d describe that moment as one of the most memorable moments of my life.  The birth grandmother handed me our baby girl amid a room FULL of her birth family.  Her daddy and I welcomed her by saying, “Happy Birthday Isabella Dawn! That means Beautiful Sunrise and you are most certainly, our beautiful sunrise.”  The tears flew freely and hugs and kisses were given.  I praised and hugged the birth mother and of course everyone gushed about this beautiful, sweet baby girl.

Two days later as we were gathering our things and preparing to bring our baby home from the hospital, we received a call from the social worker to “sit tight,” and “the birth mother is having a hard time.”  I was knocked off of my feet and stunned.  We’d spent MONTHS together.  We’d talked hours on end about this moment.  We’d held our baby in our arms for the last two days and we already loved her.  I sat on our couch for the next three hours and held the phone waiting for the next call.  I was paralyzed.  I prayed fast and hard that God’s will would be done and I’d accept His will, no matter what the outcome.

The phone ringing startled me.  “She’s changed her mind.  She’s keeping the baby.”  We were rocked to our core.  Nothing on this earth can prepare you for the heart-wrenching pain that a blow like this delivers.  Although you KNOW when you “sign up” (as if it’s that easy! HA!) for adoption this can and does happen…however, when you make it this far, somehow you think it won’t happen to you.

You never know what you are going to do in this situation.  I was mad, sad, angry, heartbroken, devastated, torn apart and broken.  I couldn’t help but think that all of those months of negative pregnancy tests should have prepared for this moment, but this was an entirely different level of disappointment.  Sadness settled deep into my heart.  I felt empty.

Many people wondered if I was angry or mad at the birth mother.  Although I can understand where that feeling comes from, not ever for an instant did I feel anything but LOVE for our birth mother.  I myself cannot even begin to understand the depth of her emotion, her sacrifice or her love.  Her giving nature, her trusting spirit and her fortitude humbled me.  I was in awe of her brave face and steadfast commitment.  All I could do was pray that our daughter shared these beautiful traits of her birth mother.  The love I felt for the birth family trumped any feelings of anger that could have possibly surfaced.

The attorney said that the likelihood of a birth mother changing her mind was less than one percent. Although we were miserable, we believed that Bella’s birth mother made the best decision for her daughter and who were we to second-guess that?  I had to trust that God was going to care for our beautiful sunrise.

And then the phone rang again – just ten days after Bella was born.  The social worker said “the birth mother wants to know if you’ll consider taking Bella back, she wants to talk to you.” WILL I CONSIDER IT?!??!?!??!  Yes, consider it DONE.  We were that one percent statistic.  I’ve never been happier in my whole life to be a statistic.

To say we were cautiously excited is an understatement.  We worked out the “terms of the deal” with a fine toothcomb.  We refused to take the baby into custody until papers were signed.  We unfortunately live in a state where a birth mother can change her mind for 30 days and that weighed heavily on our hearts.  Could we bear to be disappointed twice over this adoption?  Our already weary hearts wanted this baby so desperately but we were so very anxious.

On Monday June 18^th the birth mother and father signed away their parental rights.  I know it was a sad day for them.  I know the decision wasn’t taken lightly by any means.  I know in their hearts they fully felt the weight of their choices.  We were to come pick up Bella the morning of Tuesday June 19^th.  On Monday evening as we prepared for the homecoming of our daughter, the phone rang.  Oh dear.  Again?

“We are ready for you to take your daughter.”  Apparently the adoptive family was understandably torn up over the paper signing process and felt they needed to complete the circle and say their good-byes that day.  We were delightfully surprised to get that good news.  However, taking your baby out of her mother’s arms is a really painful thing.  The strong feeling of loss is almost palpable.  So much emotion was flowing through everyone and so much sacrifice for the birth family.  Although we knew that we’d take impeccable care of this precious life, they were only left with trust and belief in the relationship we’d forged over those months during the birth mother’s pregnancy and the common bond of LOVE we all had for baby Bella.

She was so tiny.  She was barely over two weeks old and was still so teeny tiny.  I got just a few details during the emotionally charged exchange “she likes a binky; she ate at 6pm; this is the kind of formula was gave her; etc.”  I had started so sure of myself and upon picking her up and walking to the car I was a shaking quivering mess.  I knew the birth family was watching me walk to the car and I was petrified the entire time.  We fumbled with that damn car seat for TEN MINUTES we were so nervous!!

Driving away we cried.  I was sitting in the back seat of the car and my husband Mike looked into the review mirror and caught my eyes and we both couldn’t contain our emotions anymore.  She was ours.  She was in our car.  We were driving to our home.  This was our family.  I get goose bumps just remembering it.

 

And 30 working days later, if was official.  I could breathe again.  The air smelled sweeter, the fog seemed to lift and the sky looked a bit sunnier on that day.  Our beautiful sunrise was filling the depths of our hearts with ordinary everyday joy.  We are richer for knowing her and blessed for having been through the process.

Obviously we were overjoyed how circumstances unfolded in our adoption of Bella.  In our adoption we’d originally submitted paperwork for an International Adoption until the program we had chosen didn’t get approved.  When the birth parents of Bella selected us, we had to submit new paper work through our agency (whose primary Adoptions are international).  And therefore, we had two working home studies and adoption papers in process at the very same time. A bit strange but we knew we wanted to adopt again and this made us “paper ready.”

The phone rang yet AGAIN in our home when Bella was only seven months old.  It was my mother-in-law on the phone and Mike had answered.  This is what I heard “uh-huh.  Ok.  Yep.  Ok.  Let me check.  Ok.  Bye.”  Mike hung up the phone after the 30-second conversation and said,  “That was my mom.  She wants to know if we’d be interested in having a baby boy?” And I said, “Oh my goodness.  What do you mean?  What are you talking about?  Are you kidding?  Do you think I care if we have a boy or a girl?  WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT AND WHY DOES YOUR MOM HAVE A BABY!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?”

At Easter 2008 we were sitting in The Village Inn timidly sipping milkshakes while meeting the birth mother that Mike’s mom called about that crazy day in January.  The birth mother turned out to be the cousin of my mother-in-law’s hairdresser.

This situation was the polar opposite of our first adoption.  The birth mother was older and already had a child.  She asked a few questions and we asked her many.  She was polite and kind but seemed rather reserved.  Her mother was there meeting with us and my only concern was that her mother was pushing her into this decision.  We exchanged numbers and told the birth mother we’d wait for her call and hoped to hear from her.

It was through an email that she confirmed that she wanted us to by the baby’s parents and we’d be going through with the adoption.

We didn’t know if we emotionally had it in us, but just one year after the birth of Bella we were sitting in a hospital doing it all over again!  On July 15, 2008 Lucas John joined our family when Bella was a mere 13 months old.  Two babies.  Two adoptions.  Two beautiful stories and ONE HAPPY MAMA.

We spent three solid days in the hospital with the birth mother who didn’t want us to leave her side.  She wanted to soak up every minute of us and the feeling was mutual.  We got to know one another so well during that time and really bonded over sweet baby Luke.  At the end of the three days, after the birth mother had signed her paperwork, we bundled up baby Luke into his car seat and exited the hospital.  We couldn’t help but be in awe of this moment.  We never did this with Bella.  This was all new.  It felt so strange.  We walked out with the birth mother and said our final good-byes in the parking lot.

I continue to marvel at the adoption world.  How no two stories are alike and how every adoption is similar in emotion but different in nature.  I also continue to thank God for the gift of a mother who is willing to sacrifice the ultimate gift of life.  I am painfully aware that there are other options and I cannot praise the birth mother’s out there enough for the choice they made to place their baby for adoption.   My life personally is doubly blessed because of two unselfish, sacrificial, caring and loving young mothers.  I am eternally grateful each and every day.

You can imagine our utter shock and surprise when on December 22, 2009 I found out I was pregnant! Never in a million years would I have predicted this in our life!  I’d felt so blessed with the way I’d become a mother and knew that Bella and Luke were chosen so perfectly for US.  I grabbed onto my bathroom counter that December day and sobbed tears of JOY and AWE.

Noah Steven was born on July 27, 2010.  I enjoyed EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of my pregnancy.  I thanked God daily for this cool “extra” gift he’d chosen for us.  My pregnancy was actually a really wonderful chance to start talking more to my children about adoption.  We talked on so many occasions about “whose belly they grew in” and about their birth parents.  What I thought might be hard to understand was really a great opportunity to discuss adoption.

As I tuck our four year old, three year old and one year old into bed each night I say, “do you know how much I love you?”  The answer “to the moon and back mama?”  Nope I say.  “To the moon and back and back and back and back – a million times over.”  That sure is a lot but it still doesn’t even come close to the depths of love that resides in my heart.