I agree that in the case of rape or incest or any other time a woman has been traumatized by sexual contact, that forcing her to revisit that trauma by contacting the birthfather is not appropriate. And honestly, I don’t know what percent of birthmothers are prostitutes. But yes, I do think men who have unprotected sex in one night stands should be forced to support birthmoms or relinquish their rights. I have friends who have been threatened that their adoptions would be disrupted by otherwise deadbeat dads who have no intention of parenting, but just want to make the birthmother’s life hell. If they were involved earlier in the process and forced to pay support for the duration of the pregnancy to prove their intentions to parent, they wouldn’t have been able to cause trouble after placement.

In cases where the birthfather is a menace to the birthmother or would cause harm? That’s where restraining orders come in. I’m not saying he needs to live with birthmom, just provide enough financial support to prove his intent to parent.

I think I’m bristling a little bit at the idea that a man needs to bring a lawsuit to determine his eligibility to parent a child he had an equal hand in bringing into this world.

As for the interim care period, there are many widely respected agencies which require babies to go into interim care while TPR is taken care of. These kids don’t have RAD because they’ve spent a week or 2 in the loving arms of a dedicated caregiver. They’re not being sent to the baby homes. They are being provided with intense care until ALL of the adults in their lives are settled.

And the cooling off period is also designed to take the pressure off of the birthparents who often feel pressured into going through with the adoption plan, even if they’re having second thoughts. I’ve heard from many birthmothers in particular who felt they HAD to complete an adoption plan, even if they weren’t sure anymore that it was the right decision. And having that baby already living with the APs intensifies that pressure.

Finally, I think adoption reform might actually bring the cost of adoption DOWN. Think about it: right now agencies and attorneys need to operate with 50 different sets of laws and procedures and that’s for domestic adoption alone. If there was a universal set of laws which applied to the whole country, the process could be streamlined and made more uniform. We might be able to bring down the incidence of adoption fraud, since people couldn’t scam the different laws in different states. I’m not saying it would be perfect, but it would go a long way towards helping.

Thanks for your comment, it’s very thought-provoking indeed!!

And I would say these disputes need to move through the court faster so the child is 3 months, not 3 years.

I also have a problem with your week long cooling off period. First, in every state if a birth parent wants a week or two or 2 months she has the right to take it. She should take as long as she needs. Just because she can sign at 24 hours or 72 hours or 96 hours does not mean she must. One might argue they feel pressured but then birth moms need to say ” back off!’ And some birth moms do. Furthermore, it assumes every woman (or man) who makes this plan for adoption- needs time. Many do. Some don’t. Some wish they could sign before the baby is born. I do not think any state law allows a woman to sign before the baby is born. But women come to being birth mothers from all situations and there are women who would be very upset to have to wait a week when all they want is it done. Then there are the drug addict birth moms. They need to get their high and if you don’t get them at the hospital to sign when 1) they are present and 2) they are not high- you may never get the opportunity again. Yeah, so many different scenarios the law has to account for. No 2 adoptions are exactly alike.

Also, a week bouncing around in interim care some would argue just increases the possibility of a RAD kid.

And finally, if birth mom (and dad if involved) wants the kid with adoptive parents and kid will be going to adoptive parents why not start the bonding as soon as baby leaves hospital? if this is the family to be – isn’t it better it start as soon as possible for baby and parents?

Oh and all this additional adoption reform (some needed) is driving up adoption cost. Which rules out a whole lot of families- good families- who won’t be able to afford to adopt for stupid paperwork rules because of one bad case scenario that does not apply to the other 100,000 cases. Adoption laws need to be reviewed like all laws to figure out what makes the most sense for all cases.